As the date to start practicing grew closer we still had not heard back from the Stake Pres yet so it was basically the answer for Emma to participate was a no. So many things bothered me with this. I wish they would have gone with the spirit of the law, I wish they would have actually contacted us and followed up like they said they would, I wish she would have been born on her due date (Feb 27th) - but none of those were the case so we had the hand of cards we were dealt.
We had the other stake contact us and they were willing to have Emma dance with them because she was getting the inactive girl to participate. They came and made Emma her security badge, ordered her shirt, had me fill out her permission slip, medical slip, put us on their facebook page, instagram page, ward email list, everything. We were good to go.
Christmas came and went and finally it was January and the day before the first practice was to start. We got a phone call letting us know what time and where Emma needed to be for the practice. That night we did one final talk with Emma about it, Jared had to be somewhere during the time she needed to be driven and I had to be 2 places at the same time for all the boys so I just couldn't quite be pumped about this...we told Emma it was her decision and we would support whatever she decided and of course without hesitation she jumped up and said, "I want to do it!!" We told her that was fine, but she needed to pray about it that night when she went to bed and then let us know in the morning what she decided.
The next morning as I was getting the kids up and ready for school Emma told me she didn't want me to pack her a lunch, I asked her why and she told she was going to fast that day for an answer as to what she should do.
I picked her up from school and she had 3 hours before she needed to be at the first practice. She got in the car and she said, "mom, you know how you told me sometimes when you fast and you don't really get an answer either way that sometimes that just means the answer is no...." then the tears came streaming down her face...."I don't think I should dance" and then she went into the belly sobs.
My heart broke for her. I know how bad she wanted this. I knew how important this was for her.
We went home and she told Jared and we were all sad again, but then Jared being the amazing dad he is looked at her and said, "honey, I am more proud of you for making this decision on your own and for sustaining and supporting your leaders even if it was hard and not what you wanted."
It was true. My 11 year old learned a valuable lesson. A lesson I am still struggling with.
I couldn't bring myself to call the other ward and let them know how much we appreciated all they had done for Emma, but that she would not be participating so I made Jared do that. We told Emma we would make sure she had a birthday party that day so she wasn't sitting around thinking about it.
We were proud of her. I called the Bishop to brag about how amazing my daughter was. It was over and we were coming to grips with it.
Every once in a while people would say things to me that would make me angry...
"well at least she doesn't have to dance all day like the other kids do" - ummmmm, you do know Emma is a dancer and 7-8 weekends out of the year she will dance all friday afternoon/evening, start Saturday morning at 8am, finish by 11-12pm and then get up on Sunday and do it from 8am - 2pm. Ya, I am pretty sure she can handle it.
"my kid doesn't even want to do it, it's lame" - wow - you do not have the right outlook at all.
"I understand what you are going through, my kid missed something because of their birthday date too!" - waiting a year to go to camp is not the same thing - this was a once in a lifetime opportunity - there will not be on next year - sorry, not the same thing.
Things like that get me upset....but not as upset as the email that I got last week from the ladies in charge of the special dance numbers...they were short 40 girl dancers for a part and needed extras ASAP and they only had one practice to learn it all and they knew certain girls could handle it. SERIOUSLY!!!! WHY ARE YOU ADDING SALT TO MY WOUND?! Yes, Emma is completely capable of doing this, but no, she isn't 12 :( I never did show or tell Emma about this email. I stewed over it for a couple of days. Thought about the letter I wanted to write the Stake Pres and let him know what I thought.
I never did anything except for vent to Jared, Tiffany and my mom. March 1st is going to be a bitter sweet day for Emma, March 9th is the day all the youth will bare their testimonies about it and Emma will have to sit there in church and listen to it all. March 10th - no one will ever talk about it again.
This certainly isn't the end of the world by any means. I just hate to see Emma want something so bad and unable to do it. I am learning through my amazing daughter about being a better person and about supporting our church leaders better. Tiffany said someday something amazing will happen for Emma and she will blessed for her decision she is making, and I really do believe that will be the case for this little girl.
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